This WIll Be A Fast One...

You know, I had an experience Saturday. It was one day that felt like multiple days. I believe that it might have warped my mind. I learned a thing or two about selfishness. One of those being that I have trouble being knowingly selfish. I cannot be selfish in or out of spite.

I want something more than a friend. Something so much more. Do I fear not finding this "something"? Well, I cannot be honest here. What I wish is only an attempt at being rational. I quite dislike being rational the majority of the time. My mind will not allow me to express my true desires.

My eyes see a beautiful woman. My body lusts for her yet my mind recoils in horror. I ask my why but there is no answer. I could attempt another third-party advisor, but my drug usage and chronic lying only shut me off from any real help.

This book shames me, and I want to destroy it.

This body shames me, and I want to destroy it.

This mind shames me, and I want to destroy it.

This soul shames me, and I want to destroy it.

My soul is empty.

I do not want shallow feelings and fast nights. I want to have a spiritual connection with someone. I wait and ponder the act of waiting.

I found what I want. I want simplicity.

I have this want to know about the "counter-culture". This want to be my father. A man I never knew but have met on many occasions in others. Sadness, lonesomeness, insatiable wandering.

I do not want to be where I am.

I am stuck here for now.