none

i would enjoy conveying the thoughts at present with someone,

anyone,

yet i find myself troubled in that i have no one who might

get it?;

for once -

perhaps the one first time -

i feel others'
existences.

simple to convey in words,
and yet i feel -
to the
very core of the entirety of
my being -
this
conveyed thought

throughout the
entirety
of my known
existence.

reader,
i've run deep into the woods in this time on earth,
never once did i lose my way -
never once -
yet fateful events
befall us all;
we all become lost.

to be lost
is
to be found

(untitled) - a cigarette burn

hello fair reader,
i find myself updating today -
somehwer eon the cusp of a new month -
and that puts me at nearly an update
a month (in recent times).
the last one was digressive and
i do believe
that this one shall be introspective.
but woe is me,
oh fair reader,
for digression is a plague upon
my mind.

nov26
9.02
post
meridiem

i find myself - my thoughts - flowing towards a more nomadic form of lifestyle. not in the sense of a vagrant bum hippie, but more in the sense as a spiritual wanderer. i hope to achieve this through my means and have the cash to gear and go.
this shall not be an into the wild situation for i am not headed anywhere -
the universe shall guide me as i am meant to flow.
hiking, with a light-weight pack, out into the middle of no where and camping. spending the days in the center of where man originated. privation of self can no longer be a means of necessitation, for out there amongst the universe there is no self and our existence is - in essence - meaningless.
this is not a reason for angst or depression at the thought of a meaningless existence. for clarification, the physical existence is purposeless but true existence is consciousness.
a quest to commune with the primal energies of existence. away from society and what they call humanity.
what is humanity?
ourselves, - the collective - is that what humanity is?
to me it reads as if the word humanity is just a kinder way to say socialism. for humanity in definition is the collective; homo sapiens as a whole.
digression
i will admit in this post,
i consume hallucinogenic substances and see no reason why my guided, moderated, and psychically capable mind cannot judge for itself what is good and what is bad for myself.
self-governance.

i end here,
ive run aground.

cadylaned, the secret price to seek advice. how to keep your life candy chained...

this will be an off the chest one,
a long one,
a crazy (and) derisive one for
we
who once were
i
are now foregone.

we sit here
writing -
startled by the addition of
LOUD
music(?) to my library;
not my taste -
pink floyd
leaks through my
head phones from
the coffee shop speakers.
tea scalded tongue,
she did
warn me,
did she...

- a break,
thats where we
find
ourselves and
wondering what will come
of the fu-
tu-
re
furthur out from
now?

we quiet now,
find ourselves
lulled through
into
another plane
of which -
break end.

this year -
bitter winds find
necessitation in
her
fixation -
as last year
as next year,
til time
cedes.

we write with open head
and fluid mental
projection,
a reality
created
from each of ours
and one into
the next;
'our universe is
vast'
some cry,
of course we
know
it is.

tea no longer
scalds
(
to burn
the flesh away
)
as twangy
guitar follows
snappy snare,
tap tap
tip
tap,
blues wail
away.

- - - to take a piss
to take a cigarette
to take a lover - - -

lover missed,
though
so did the
piss;
currents retain
fluidity.

we're done.

I want to. (do what?); I want to. (do what?); I want to. (do what?)

SWIM is quite high at this current point and intoxicated way beyond his limit. So I shall be your guide - your Virgil - while SWIM communicates via telepathy or some other bullshit like that, k:

'my life has come to a stalemate with time, ya know? sitting, ever waiting, i waste away day by day; day for day. ive been reading often and quite a bit, destroying books even. i guess the equiv of a nazi book burning, but i actually absorb and retain what i read. it was a poor analogy, fuck yous.
'my writing, oh man, my writing is crazed at this point. i dont get it, not at all. seems i stumbled into poetry and i have a feeling its poor poetry, but i have yet to find an opinion that satiates an answer either way. not that id base my opinion of my own writing on what others feel, i am just overly critical about my writings; man is flawed.
'i find my mind rattled as of late. ive not had any entheogens nor empathogens or any tryps in the last month or so, sober clean (still smoking). im not ashamed of my choices in life. in truth, i feel as if i have formed a microcosm in portrayal of my own beliefs. as in, i feel and believe in self-governance, only I know what is right for Me. as long as i continue doing such things - as in living - and harming no one else in the process, then i am living my life right. dig?'

SWIM has lost communication.

Repeticious Electronica Induces Hallucinations...

I do not simply write, but instead, I create.

A Continued Existence Under a New Number...

So, the new year, eh? I wonder how many people made resolutions. The concept of a resolution just baffles, really. People telling themselves they will get something accomplished and, if they are anything like myself, never getting them accomplished. Terrible thing to do, you know? Lying to yourself.
I have made no new resolutions for this new year. I've held some strongly for a while and will continue on my path until I find the right time to null these ideas. The end was in sight and then it just slipped away.
The time to put in some effort is at hand. It is time for myself to be in control of myself. The time to slack is behind me.

I type all of this and it does not flow very well. Am I having cynical thoughts about myself? I believe I just might and it makes me laugh. It means that my cynicism does not allow me to speak falsely of myself in an easy manner. That makes me happy.
I have too many goals already to be making new ones, but there is one in particular that had to be made. For my sanity and the sanity of those around me. I shall not talk ill of the time I spend in this town. I shall do my best to save my money so that when the time comes I can say my goodbyes and disappear into the world. That is a reaffirmed, and yet, new goal to me.


So, to all of those that did make new goals. I wish you the best in your attempts to better yourself and those you are around.